A New Direction in Movie Ratings

You know the disclaimers they now give for every movie rating: Rated R for intense nonstop graphic comic book violence, and offensive bodily humor. These taglines create a buzz--a sense of anticipation for a film that you know is going to have plenty of killing and farting. Now, I am waiting for the day that I sit down in a theater for the first ten minutes of commercials and previews and see:

"The following film is rated R for three minutes."

Or even.

"The following film is rated R for one word."

What a word that would be. If no one has thought of doing this yet, they should. It would be a great publicity tool. 'Come and see the word!' they'd advertise. An entire audience on the edge of their seats for an hour and eight minutes, waiting...waiting...and then...THERE IT IS, in all its glory.